31 Days -- 3 days late.......

So last week I was seeing a lot about 31 Days of change.  The thought intrigued me, but I never sat down long enough to really read and process the idea.  I thought off and on about it, and even decided on a theme.  Well one was given to me, but I still hesitated.  No that isn't the truth, really.  I really let other things get in the way.  I did other things, I chose not to tackle this.  In fact while in the process of writing this blog, I keep flipping back and forth from this page to every.other.tab I have opened up. In truth, I haven't hesitated I have avoided.

It is because avoiding is easier to do than actually tacking this theme.  I don't want to do it.  I have been alternately wrestling with and avoiding this all.year.long.  The theme:  Contentment.  This is the theme that God gave me for this year.  And honestly I have struggled with it from the first day, because it exposes one of my worst character flaws.  I am a perfectionist!  Being content with less than perfection is hard for me, even though I rarely, if ever, achieve perfection, or my ideal of it.  And what is worse, is that I am an impatient or lazy perfectionist.  I want 'it' to be perfect the first time.  Mistakes, and learning through them, aren't part of my plan.    So there you have it.  That is why I am late,  why I don't want to do this, and why it is so hard for me.

Now for what I am going to do with this.  Like I said I have been wrestling with this theme all year long.  And I have a picture in my head of what I am supposed to do with this theme and how it is supposed to look when it is finished.  However, that is just it, it is MY picture in MY head.  I don't think it is what God has planned at all.  Because really, he does work in different ways than my own limited view of Him. I don't really know what His view is.  So I am going to really seek His heart on the matter. And I am going to blog this process.  I will be honest with you,  It isn't going to be easy, nor is it going to be pretty I am sure.  Because I intend to strip off the  blinders of perfectionism and be raw and real, I promise to NOT give you a package tied up with a bow that I "think" should be posted.

I have contemplated about posting this for public consumption.  Why am I doing that?  Do I link it up with the big 31 Days of Change blog?  This is what I have decided.  I want, I need, encouragement and accountability from my friends, the ones who know me.  So I am posting publicly, and even going to advertise it.  But on a limited basis.  To those I trust.   Because I am not ready to have the eyes of the world witnessing this process at this moment.  I am choosing not to post to the big blog right now.  

 So this is what I am going to do for my 31 Days (minus 2) of Contentment.