Perceptions

"As disciples of Jesus, being in relationship with Him must be our focus.  When we allow other' perceptions of us (or even our percetions of their perceptions!) to control how we live, we are enxlaved.  We become entrenced in the ways of this world and do not live as citizens of heaven, which is anoother kind of kingdom altogether"  Francis Chan - Forgotten God: Reversing our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit.

 I posted the above quote from my Kindle the other night.  It is very representative of the message God has been whispering in my ear over the last few days.  It all started with my prayer last weekend.  The central theme I was led to pray was to be drawn closer to God and be so filled with Him that when others looked at me they saw Him.  That was my prayer all weekend long.  

I thought it was a simple request.  One that I figured only required me to be willing and God to do the work.  Yeah, right..........

He has been showing me things all week that have been hindering that process.  It surprised me.  I have fought the perceptions of others and my perceptions their perceptions for a long time. At times, I have tried to live up to those perceptions and alternately have tried not to beat myself up for not living up to those perceptions. I have sought to discover the 'real me' for a long time.  I realized that these perceptions were enslaving me, and I fought against them.  However, in doing so I was building up other perceptions and for the life I thought I should be living.  I was conscious of others perceptions and what others were thinking of me and those close to me.  I was still allowing perceptions to enslave me.  I was using ministry as an excuse to let what others thought of me to motivate what I did and what I said.  Different circumstances, same result, and that was keeping me from allowing God to be seen.

This morning God tested me in a specific area in which was pinpointed earlier this week.  When I first saw my name on the program in a key area, I knew it had God written all  over it.  Long before I ever saw the program I considered asking my husband to cover a part which I usually because I really "wasn't feeling it" this morning.  But instead I sent out a plea for prayer to the strongest group of prayer warriors I have.  And God answered those prayers even before they were prayed.  Because I not only did my normal responsibilities, I was able to put away my fear and my pride for a few short moments or at least push it far enough back to take on the new responsibility as well.  I attempted to do my best to allow God to do the speaking.